36 weeks

I am now in my 36th week of pregnancy. Everything is normal but that doesn't mean I'm not scared. I'm still scared that anything might happen. I can still lose my baby. I can't handle that fear. I'm aware that I'm having a normal baby and a normal pregnancy but it still scares me. The last time with Nathan, we didn't go into the hospital scared because poor naive me didn't think anything bad could happen even with the CDH and everything. I just thought we would go through the operation and bring the baby home after a few days. It's not being prepared that kills you. So now that we know the harsh realities of life, it's scaring the hell out of me. I hate preparing for the hospital because I'm afraid I will jinx it. I'm afraid that if I pack my hospital bag and have the baby stuff prepared, I will lose my baby. I know I'm not being logical about this. I'm fine, Tristan's fine and everything will be ok. I just wish that I can skip the next few weeks and go directly to when I can hold him in my arms and then I'll know that everything is really ok.