Insensitivity

Sometimes I don't know if it's my fault or is it really a fact that some people are just insensitive sometimes? Maybe it is my fault. People who know how bad it is for me don't ask me about their pregnancies or their babies.
I must seem stronger than I really am because I really suck at coping with this tragedy. Yet, yesterday 2 pregnant women kept asking me things I didn't want to talk about, one an office mate concerned about her maternity benefits and the other one a pregnant friend about to give birth in a week or less.
Seriously. Do they really lack any pregnant friends or colleagues or relatives that they have to go to the one person they know (and I don't think I've heard anyone else lose their baby) that lost a baby for baby stuff or pregnancy issues or giving birth? They have mothers who definitely gave birth to them. Can't they just leave me alone? Here I am enjoying my almost one month hiatus from depression and here I am again. Just got back from being hospitalized and depressed. Facebook, blogs, pictures all over the internet, that I can understand.

I just wish people will leave me alone.
They don't help me at all. They don't ask about me or how I feel. Why should I care about how they feel? They didn't know the burden I felt carrying my baby, knowing that there was something wrong and not being prepared for it. They don't know how it felt to be so alone trying to be strong but nobody around you understands how bad you feel. How guilty you feel because deep down inside you know it's your fault that everything happened this way.
And all people do is tell you to stop crying and that everything will be ok but that's not true. I know that the chances are the same either way. Everything can get better or everything can get worse and I don't have any control on it. All I can do is fool myself. They expect me to do everything. Neal doesn't want to prepare for having a baby. It never even occurs to him that we both contribute to whatever happens. It never even occurs to him that something else might happen given our ages. That sometimes I wish I had not waited at all.

All this waiting.

Nothing good ever comes out of it.