bad night

Last night I went on an all time low. I was suddenly worried that my blood sugar levels were too high. I exercise at least 3x a week except for the last two weeks because I was out of town or sick. I've checked my blood sugar twice and they were at 106 and 112. Both are now apparently above the normal level which is 105. My mom also has diabetes and so did my grandmother on my father's side plus a few more relatives. I've always had low blood sugar even when I loved eating sweets. So why the high blood sugar? I was so scared that I could be diabetic. Diabetics have complications during pregnancy. They can lose their child or the child will be born with defects. I had a baby when I was suppose to be normal but I lost him. What chance do I have when I'm diabetic?
So I took that as the last straw. I lost hope and I gave up. I didn't want kids anymore. Life is just making me bitter. Letting me taste something just to pull it away. Am I so bad that I have to be Tantalus on earth?
What should I do? Is this like love? If you keep looking for it nothing happens but if you don't, there it is?
Or is it the same as losing hope when you stop looking?
Seriously, I don't want to dream anymore. Dreaming gives you hope and when you have that, it's easier to fall.
Hope gives you wings and you never know if they are real or not until you fly over the ocean.