Sometimes, when I just lie down in bed and it's quiet, I feel my tummy move. Not big movements, they're like small kicks. I know it's insane to think it's anything other than a muscle spasm. My stomach can't hold anything right now but food and water. I still feel it though.
I think the thing that hurts most is the empty feeling. It's not just loneliness. It's emptiness.
I feel it because I had someone inside me then I gave birth. The natural order of things would be to have that child to take care of. I don't. My body is looking for it. That feeling of taking care of someone. I miss my child.
I feel that if I get pregnant again then maybe that emptiness may be filled.
Maybe it will, maybe not.
The only thing I can do is try.
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