Funeral mess

Last night we went to a wake and confirmed that I can't go to a wake or funeral these days. It wasn't the fact that the funeral home we visited was the same one we had the wake for Nathan in. It wasn't the nostalgic feeling of going up the same place I stayed in for 5 days. It was the fact that the widow mentioned Nathan again. Telling me things like "Too bad" or "How sad" or "What a loss" or "You'll have more kids in the future" or "God is good" doesn't really help. The only trigger she failed to mention was "Well at least now you have an angel watching over you". I hate that. Maybe because they don't understand what I'm feeling yet they try to comfort me. Maybe it's just the fact that I don't believe all that or maybe because I'd rather have my child instead of an angel. I'm at my most selfish and materialistic stage. I hate the afterlife. I hate it and I don't care about it but I don't dare stop believing in it. This is why people desperately believe in life after death. You don't want to think that that's it. That you'll never see my child/lover/parent again.
This year is riddled with tragedy. I may just be watching too much news but a LOT of people died this year. People who had a big effect on other people.
I watched about the landslides and the floods and the loss of lives on the ferry just a couple of days ago. I should stop watching the news.
There was a mother of a 2 year old child who lost her son because he drowned when the boat capsized. She said that she just hopes that when she gets pregnant again, she will still have the same child she lost because she really loved that child. I wonder if we feel the same? Does the loss of a child give you this urge to have another one? I can't even handle the 2 month wait. I wonder how she handles it? Facing a tragedy head on especially after you've had your child for 2 years. What I'm feeling must be insignificant since I only had my baby for 2 days.