Do I need help?

Neal's been pretty busy at work and so am I. The house is also getting finished and we are in between contracts so it's been busy.
The problem is, I've been having more down time than ever. Neal's kind of worried. I can't even get through church without crying. I'm always having small bouts of depression that seem to be triggered by, well, nothing.
My emotions are unpredictable. I'd be happy then completely sad the next.
I wonder if I really do need help.
Sometimes it could be anything, any mention of babies, baby pics, people announcing stuff to Facebook... I should just really boycott the world.
The heroine in my mind ran away from everyone and everything.
I wish I could do that. Take an open vacation. Just go away where no one knows me. No one knows what happened and where everybody is single.
I feel bombarded by all the families walking around with their kids in tow.
Do I really need help?
We don't live in a country where people always go to psychologists for help.
So what if I feel lost? So what if there are days when I just don't know what I want. So what if there are days when I just feel bad all the time?
Do I need medication for that?
Everyone feels that way every now and then.
I'm just having a really hard time adjusting. I've never lost anything or anyone that meant this much to me.
I always thought that my life would be normal. That if Neal died first, I'd follow after a couple of months. That life would follow the normal track.
I don't know if this story is true. They say that when Shakespeare's son died, in a way he felt happy (happy may not be the term he used) because he could finally write about what it felt to lose a child.
Except now, it's all I can write about. Death and loss of a child.
I've lost my train of thought.
Do I really need help? Yes I probably do. I won't be able to get that from anyone though. I can't even tell people the truth. I can only write about it in secret.