Just a little disclaimer

This is for the sake of the 2 or 3 people who actually read this blog. Yes, you know who you are ^_^.

I am depressed. It's been what? 3 months since my son died. I'm supposed to be depressed. My depression however is not this constant hanging thing on my head. I'm still a functioning human being.

There are still days when I am happy and active. The only problem is that sometimes, I cry before I sleep or I feel sad when I remember. It takes more to make me happy but if you compare it to other people's standards, it is still surprisingly simple to make me happy.

Sometimes I hate my situation but I never hate people for being happy. I may gripe all the time about everyone else having an easy life and having tons of kids while I have none but I don't wish them harm.

I know how it feels to lose a child and if I could, I'd study to become a surgeon for infants (the exact name escapes me) and be damn good at it just to make sure this never happens to anyone ever again.

I don't hate people for being happy because life is just like that. Sometimes it sucks and sometimes its great. Be happy. Just don't expect me to always be happy for you all the time. I won't be raving about it but I will support you.

I still have hope, though it escapes me sometimes. I still have it and I only need to wait a few more months. I'm looking at this as a hard lesson for patience. Something I never really had before.

Someday, I'll have my twins and even up the number.