Back to work

I'm finally back to work. Grief has one simple solution: go back to normal. You can't spend time figuring out why things happen or what will happen next. The best thing is to get back to work and normal things as soon as possible. This is something I wish I can do. However since I didn't exactly spread the news about what happened to baby Nathan and a lot of people knew I was pregnant, I am now faced with the awkwardness of explaining. I lie a lot. If I can pass off that I was pregnant and no one asks about my baby, I'd rather they assume that my baby is healthy and alive. People usually assume the best anyway. Unfortunately I have to be able to tell people what happened if it gets to that.
Last APE I had, I told them I gave birth but I didn't tell the doctor any details. I got away with it.
Last Saturday I met my ninong Jun (godfather at my wedding) and he asked about baby Nathan. I was shocked to know that he didn't hear the news from Dawn so I explained it to him. I was close to tears but I couldn't break down since I was in a hospital corridor full of people I didn't know. I had my check up and the doctor was asking specific questions regarding my pregnancy and if I was still breastfeeding. We pretty much answered all of them without any hint that something was wrong until the doctor asked me how much my baby weighed now. Then we had to go through the awkward explanation again. I hate that. I really do. I don't like telling people about what happened, getting the generic responses of: "It'll be alright", "God has a plan", "You now have an angel in heaven" or "You're still young, you'll still have more kids..."
Neal says people will approach you and just suddenly pout or show a sad face and it never really helps.
Today, I talked to one of my officemates and I realized that since she wasn't in my team, she knows nothing. She just asked me what gender my baby was and she was happy to find out it was a boy. I couldn't tell her. I didn't want to cry.
How do you deal with that? Especially the higher ups? This is just so awkward. I don't know what to do anymore. I'll just have to face it one day at a time and hope that the people I don't tell the news to don't feel bad for not knowing.