sadness and a lot of other emotions

Emotions have different movements. I realized it today when I woke up and I felt sadness and grief hovering less than 3 feet from my bed. I was all alone because everyone had gone to work and that scares me, being alone in a dark and silent house allows sadness to creep up to you without notice. This is why I spend my days in front of the computer waiting for people to talk to me. Why I sit in front of a blazing tv even when there's nothing good to watch. Sadness can only creep up to you when it's silent. I feel it hovering around me and I make myself busy. I'm really looking forward to going back to work because work keeps you from thinking about the past and worrying about the future. Plus the fact that you're surrounded by active humans all the time.
Sadness creeps, Joy comes and goes without warning, Anger traps you and Pain just grabs you. Jealousy, an emotion I've become very familiar with over the last couple of months usually stabs you in the heart and despair twist that knife around.
I'm being melodramatic now...
I went to the doctor yesterday. She wants me to continue my pills for four to six months. So that's half a year where I can't be pregnant. It depresses me but I refused to think about it yesterday.
Neal and I got a text from our interior designer who we are meeting this Saturday. In the middle of planning for a house we always think about how we are going to extend the Master's bedroom to the nursery. There are times I don't want to. Have you ever heard of "not counting your chicks before they hatch"? I am a firm believer in that. When I got pregnant, even when I didn't know anything was wrong, even when I thought everything was normal, I didn't buy anything baby related till I was 6 months pregnant. Even though I was sooo excited the moment I found out and I planned for everything I wanted to buy during the first trimester, I still didn't buy anything and everything still happened. I still don't have my baby. I'm scared that building the nursery will be too optimistic. I'm still scared about the future. I'm still scared that I might not conceive anymore or something else will happen. It's illogical to be scared over nothing. Even my doctor believes I can conceive easily that she's decided to put me on birth control pills so that I don't get pregnant before my body fully recovers.
I'm currently reading the Dune series and Frank Herbert describes Fear perfectly. "Fear is the mind killer"